Simon McCall’s brief management and philosophical investigation into the lives of barristers and professional footballers
| Barristers | Footballers |
| Perform on a stage (the court) and are open to public scrutiny | Perform on a stage (the pitch) and are open to public scrutiny |
| Can read reports of their results and performance in the press | Can read reports of their results and performance in the press |
| It’s a results business: win, lose or draw (but also see below for draw) | It’s a results business: win, lose or draw (but also see below for draw) |
| Wear a uniform for work | Wear a uniform for work |
| Glamorous fictionalised portrayal on TV – Kavanagh QC, Rumpole | Glamorous fictionalised portrayal on TV – Footballers’ Wives, Dreamteam |
| Secret language / jargon – “res ipsa loquitur”, “taking silk” | Secret language / jargon – “in the mixer”, “down the channels” |
| Use of surnames and nick-names, and respectful titles: “Sir/Miss” | Use of surnames and nick-names, and respectful titles: “Gaffer” |
| Barristers (usually) paid more than the management | Footballers (usually) paid more than the management |
| Direct experience over-valued: only clerks who have been there man and boy can run chambers | Direct experience over-valued: only ex-footballers who can display their medals can be managers |
| New ideas generally treated with suspicion till proved beyond doubt – e.g. IT, management training, performance reviews for individual barristers | New ideas generally treated with suspicion till proved beyond doubt – e.g. diet, sport psychology, foreign coaches |
| Fierce rivalries between barristers in same chambers – fighting for the same brief | Fierce rivalries between players in same club – fighting for the same position in the team |
| Move chambers for personal advancement | Move clubs for personal advancement |
| Huge disparity between the elite (London commercial silk) and the majority (provincial junior criminal barrister) | Huge disparity between the elite (Chelsea player) and the majority (Rochdale player) |
| The robing room is hallowed ground | The changing room is hallowed ground |
| Train away from the court and only appear in it on match day | Train away from the stadium and only appear in it on match day |
| Porsche Cayennes (and other “boys toys” cars) with personalised number plates in the elite chambers’ car parks | Porsche Cayennes (and other “boys toys” cars) with personalised number plates in the elite clubs’ car parks |
| Try to perform while being given garbled or simply wrong instructions by solicitor sitting behind them | Try to perform while being given garbled or simply wrong instructions by manager standing on touchline |
| Time wasting regarded as an unfortunate, but occasionally legitimate tactic | Time wasting regarded as an unfortunate, but occasionally legitimate tactic |
| “Carman syndrome” – a high level of advocacy skill not necessarily an indicator of a similar level of judicial (and its reverse – “Lord Denning syndrome”) | “Ruud Gullit syndrome” – a high level of playing skill not necessarily an indicator of a similar level of management skill (and its reverse – “Arsene Wenger syndrome”) |
| Abusive spectators get removed from the court | Abusive spectators get removed from the ground |
They are very different:
| Agreeing with the opposition to settle for a draw before the hearing is generally encouraged | Agreeing with the opposition to settle for a draw before the game is a disciplinary offence |
| Barristers run the club rather than the “management” (Really? Always?) | Management run the club rather than the players (Really? Always?) |
| Barristers called “Sir” by the management (… and behind their backs?) | Management called “Gaffer/Boss/Mr. Chairman” by the players (… and behind their backs?) |
| The bench – means elevation for a barrister | The bench – means being dropped from the first team for a footballer |
| Women can play in the same league as men | Women cannot play in the same league as men |
| Ribbons – barristers use them to keep their briefs together | Ribbons – footballers use them to keep their socks up |
The court will rise / final whistle
Contact Simon McCall
